Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
