Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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