Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i will never coherently bang her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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