I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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