mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
