I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
