The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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