before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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