Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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