the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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