What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
