I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
