He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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