An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
