if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize