So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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