i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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