The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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