i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize