Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
