she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
