my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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