He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
