the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
