you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
