No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
