I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
