You're so nebulous sometimes
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
