there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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