tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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