He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
