i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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