For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
