there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
