i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
