We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
