I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
