she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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