the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
