the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
