I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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