my phone needs a breathalizer
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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