You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
