I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
