My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize