he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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