If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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