my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
