I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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