he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
