marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
FUCK WHALES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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