I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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