I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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