Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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