Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
