All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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